I told my therapist I wanted to start a substack and that I had even signed up and picked out the name and everything but was dragging my feet on actually writing it due to various fears and anxieties, which we then “unpacked” for a few minutes, and then she proposed “holding me accountable” by asking me about the substack in a couple weeks to see if I had in fact written a post yet. So this is for you, Kate (yes, my therapist’s name is also Kate, not making it up).
I’m generally opposed to the genre of “Now I’m going to tell you about the thing I’m going to tell you about, but on a later, undisclosed date, so you’ll just have to stay tuned!” announcements, because I always feel like, why not just tell us when you tell us? Why the unnecessary extra step? Enough throat-clearing and banter, just play the song. Then again, I suppose intros or previews can have their place, if only to help you get the gears in motion. With substack, there are no rules: this could be the first and last time you ever hear from me! Although that would be kind of silly. But also, no one cares.
So anyway, like many, many before me, I craved a space where I could write things, for the hell of it, to experiment, to play around, to blog uncut. I am not starting this because of Boss Tweet and his wrecking ball, though I’ve seen the substack subject lines in my inbox baiting a mass exodus. (Though I will say, lately I feel more excited reading folks’ off-the-cuff, self-published work than I do almost anything else on the internet.) SS is just a place to string together sentences without overthinking (if that’s even possible?); it’s the wordpress/tumblr/blogspot/squarespace/tinyletter I haven’t run through yet. I don’t remember the last time I noodled on an idea without first finding an editor to approve, without mulling it over and wondering: is this interesting? would anyone care? should I bother?
Intrusive thoughts, as I understand them, are uncontrollable thoughts or images that randomly barge into your brain, whether you want them there or not. Sometimes they’re pesky and persistent, overstay when they were never welcome. Maybe Taylor Swift has her own definition. Now I have not been clinically diagnosed as an intrusive thought haver, or whatever the DSM says, but I certainly know what it’s like to fixate and ruminate, to get stuck on a bad track in my head. But maybe there’s a positive side to the themes you can’t unstick. Intrusive Thots, then, are their disarming personification. A girl gang busting down neural pathways, and they may seem crazy but you want to be friends with them. And now I’m picturing Spring Breakers x Schoolhouse Rock. Maybe you know an intrusive thot, or maybe you are the intrusive thot. Join me!